6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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