I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
