I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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