Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
