i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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