the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
