my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
