ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
