I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
