What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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