I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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