In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
