guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
