I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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