Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
