A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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