Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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