Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
