I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
