Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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