Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

Sober January is a disaster.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

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(903): View more from Texas

The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night

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(516): View more from New York

Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?

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(770): View more from Georgia

the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins

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(712): View more from Iowa

When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.

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