so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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