so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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