It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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