It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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