I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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