I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
