Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize