Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
