How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
