Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
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He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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