I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
