He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
