we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
