the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
