I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
