You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
