I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
