my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
