I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
