So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
