why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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