Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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