I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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