this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
