I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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