When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
