You're earring is so big in my mouth
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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