69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
