if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
