they need to just BURY HIM!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
