In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
