I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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