you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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