Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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