nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
