Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
