ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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