Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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