real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
