i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
