just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
