Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
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Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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