thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
