She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
