uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm jealous of your bromance
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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