You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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