i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
