Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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