im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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