he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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