your parents love me but you hate me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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