Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
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I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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