can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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