Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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